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BINGHAMTON, NY
"HEADLINE NEWS"
April 7 - April 9, 2000



By Lynda Carter
NY area reporter

A GROUP OF 13 GRANNIES FROM UPSTATE NEW YORK, NEIGHBORING NEW JERSEY & INDIANA HAS BEEN TOSSED OUT OF A LOCAL HOTEL. THEY WERE SEEN MODELING IN NIGHTSHIRTS ON THE WAY TO THE SWIMMING POOL. SOME HAD WINTER COATS & BOOTS ON AND WERE CARRYING SNOWSHOVELS.

I HAVE BEEN INFORMED THEY CALLED AHEAD FOR THREE TONS OF MUD. RUMOR IS, THEY WERE OUT PASSED MIGNIGHT WRESTLING AND THE WINNER OF THE MATCH WAS SOMEONE REFERRED TO AS "TASSEL TILLIE".

AS THEY WERE ESCORTED FROM THE HOTEL BY LOCAL POLICE THEY WERE SEEN WEARING ________ COLORED TEE SHIRTS, NO PANTS & BRAS ON THEIR HEADS.

AS THEY WERE PLACED IN A PADDY WAGON, THEY COULD BE HEARD CHANTING "POWER TO THE GRANNIES"

THE ESCORTS THAT WERE WITH THEM WERE SEEN RUNNING OUT THE REAR ENTRANCE & HIDING IN THEIR VEHICLES.

Updates to follow:

NEWS FLASH: "SPECIAL EDITION"

A car load of elderly gentlemen has been seen carousing the streets of Binghamton. They are driving a red buick century with the following license plate identification:


In addition, it has been confirmed by an inside source, that the sheriff has faxed Bill Gates, begging him to bail these wild women out.

It seems they had to be hosed down because of rioting. After the water was turned off, the women used it to their advantage to have a wet tee shirt contest causing all the guards to neglect their duties!

Updates to follow:

It seems the 13 women imprisoned for the hotel disturbance in Binghamton are still causing havoc in the lock up.
There have been some very strange noises coming from their cells which are being investigated - a "toot toot" sound. The origin of the sound has not been found, apparently the women have it well concealed.
As a final note to this update, there was a lightning storm here last nite & one of the women was seen running naked wearing only a pair of sneakers.

UPDATES TO FOLLOW:


The latest report from the sheriff indicates that there has been strange things going on in the jail kitchen. At the morning inspection the guards found plants on top of all the cooking stoves & all the wall paint is missing from the paint lockers.

FURTHER UPDATES TO FOLLOW AS THEY ARE RECEIVED FROM THE JAIL:



Today our roving reporter noticed a large hot air ballon flying over the local Binghamton jail complex. Upon a closer inspection he witnessed red & green roses being dropped into the jail courtyard & hanging from a long rope, he saw a black metal box, keyboard & printer being lowered into a kitchen air vent.

Our reporter went inside to report what he had seen but the warden said he was too busy to talk. Apparently all the copy paper was missing from the library & all the guards were searching for it. The warden did relate that he still had NO response from Bill Gates in regards to bailing out those 13 women preciously jailed, & they were driving him crazy.

UPDATES TO FOLLOW: